RECOGNISED ME AS…

Beneath my clothes,
Is my skin
Waiting to be recognised!
It’s smooth but there are marks
The apparent and the not so apparent too.
Waiting to be called, to be named!

My identity is diminishing
So hold my hand and stick to it
You might save me..
And I might halt,
And hold,
hold on to the belief.
Which was on the edge of the cliff
Peeping downwards in the ocean..
Just imagining what it would be like to throw it down.
Let it fall,
Fall so hard on the ground.
That nothing is left.
But as you might hold,
I might not let it fall.

Today here,
Lying beneath these stars of the galaxy,
On the wet sand.
I am trying to write my name.
Akin to what I did when I was 10,
But aye this realisation
Of Which i am apprehensive that this world,
Would take as a weakness.
Aye I realised,
This time when I write my name,
It doesn’t hold that meaning.
I don’t hold that pride.

So beneath the stars ,
And in front of the sea,
I thought What am I losing.
Striving through the hustle and bustle
I sat there.
And listened,
Listened to the noise.
The Noise that usually is disturbing.
I listened to that noise…
And it was soothing that day.

Me putting in the thoughts
The rush of a million thoughts,
Thoughts that aggravate through this noise.
I laugh at me!
Laughing that the process began again.
But I paused and told myself
“I don’t need to know Whats right”.
Beyond the right and wrong that I assign to my thoughts,
I sat and just thought what I think of.
Initially I thought it is a puddle of water that can be crossed,
But oh I realised its a whole god damn ocean
Which can never be free,
Can never flow and have this sky over it.
So I conceal.

Beneath the dress I wear
Are my under garments.
I am not so sure if you ,
Affirm and conform and believe
But this is what defines me!

The mark on the arm and the wrist
Signifies strength.
The mole on my back
Was my birth mark.
And each inch is what is not meant to be hidden and seen through the eyes of lust,
But just love and humanity.
Usual ways of society,
Tell me to cover the cleavage and my upper thighs. 
So okay I do it.
“Yes sir”!
But what about those which can’t be hidden
And are the part of me at par?

But I still hope you’d come and hold my hand,
Like that shooting star,
Giving hopes and rising desires.
I opened my eyes lying there,
The fingers of my hands muddled,
I see the sky full of stars,
I feel the fresh breeze.
And the shooting star whispering a million words in my ear.
Not anyone that I know is around me.
I know myself there.
And I am not scared.
Because they are the ones who scare me,
They take away what I am from me.
They do not let me define myself the way I want to,
And they twist and turn and attribute things to me.
They throw on me my own weaknesses.

So I hush and I moved further and made sand castles there.
Just like I dream!
The sand castles and my dreams, Shared something
“My ownership”
So I think this defines me?

 So when I was there alone just with my skin,
I embraced the moment with all the scars and the flaws and my thoughts,
And wrote my name down there,
With my sand castle.
I am not sure if I had pride, but I had love within me for that name.

There’s a child beneath this skin,
That I have nurtured throughout my life.
Throw stones at me
But that child is gonna be safe.
I promise today!

Beneath my bra and my underwear,
Lies a whole new world,
That is far beyond your galaxy of mindsight.
And your breadth of view of this world.
Far beyond what you can ever understand.

So, I listen to you,
Quietly and patiently..
To What you have recognised me as..!

The daily grief

I haven’t posted anything new since a while on the blog or anywhere. But, this is just a little piece that’s so close to my heart and which everyone here would relate to, so I thought of sharing it.

Everyone have there own phases, the break down phases. I was going through a lot of stuff too. I’ll write about that soon and for which I hope and I always know that on wordpress I can be exactly what I want. I don’t need to think twice before keeping my thoughts. So I know I wouldn’t be judged for who “the type of girl I am” or “how good or bad I am”😊

GRIEF may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life, it’s loss, it’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, it has to hurt so bad.
The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive when it hurts so much that you can’t breathe! That’s how you survive. By remembering that one day somehow, impossibly, it won’t feel this way. It wont hurt this much.
Grief comes in it’s own time for everyone in it’s own way. So, the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes and let it go when we can.

 AMIDST THE NATURE

Amidst the mountains and the beautiful sky.
The fresh air around gave her something she was looking for lately.
That was something she wasn’t able to find anywhere
Not in the warmth of mother’s love
Not even in the protective embrace of father
Not even a coffee date with just herself
Neither could her long gone lover would be able to give.
Nor could a long day with best friend.

Nature has a different role to play.
Nature has a vibe of freshness,
An aura of novelty.
that touches her soul and cleanses it.
Like a bud blooming into a flower.
That washes the brain off the stressful layers
And brings her the light of change.

Amidst the water falling down the mountains and the pleasant sunlight,
There’s a joy that doesn’t have any substitute.
A feeling that doesn’t let the smile on her face, fade.
An ecstasy with no constant relay of thoughts.
So its, Just ecstasy!

Amidst the rainbow in the sky and the chilly breeze, post the rainfall.
The air that blows her long hair
Which causes her hair strands fall on her face.
the chilly wind makes her soul bath.
It causes the ruffling of the leaves.
Producing a sound,
As if the leaves are whispering amongst each other.
That breeze feels like diving in the holy river.
It has the magic of purifying.
And taking away the burden from the soul.

Nature,
Told her the preciousness of achieving the inner peace.
Because one cannot understand if one hasn’t experienced it.
It gave her satiety with what she had.
It gave her the gratitude for whatever is around her.
It’s like she gave them all her ears,
But she only had hers.
She was contented.
She had faith.
She forgot about the problems.
She did not think about what all she has gone through.
Not even about how unfair this world is at times.
She didn’t want to care about what will happen ahead.
Not about the future plans and her always so focused dreams.
It didn’t scare her in that moment.

Perhaps, she definitely knew
And she believed ,
In that very moment,
that things will certainly fall in place.
The broken pieces will adjoin and
Ameliorate into something better
and great.
So that’s exactly where it is bliss!

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Pictures’ location- Mcleodganj, Dharamshala, India.

THE GOSPEL TRUTH

 


Layer over layers.
Pretentiousness overloads
Mirror itself doesn’t portray the gospel truth
What is it then?
What’s  the actuality of it?
What were we?
What are we becoming into?
The conscience?
Oh that never fades.
So what is it that is happening?
Where are we going?
What is this gonna lead to?
The expression is fading
the power of expression is lost.
We curb it.
It rises and we smother it.
The superficial makeup layers,
Do their tasks efficiently
And indeed sufficiently!
Nobody gets to know the Candor

The constant motion of thoughts
Has lost their path.
We don’t feel the motion anymore.
There are no thoughts.
We don’t know where we are heading to.
We don’t know about the verity of it.

Darkness had its say then
But, Darkness doesn’t take place anymore now.
We don’t let it take place.
Aversively pushing it away.
We don’t let it come near.
The constant motion of thoughts and emotions
Oh there are now no thoughts and emotions.

We are just flowing with the stream.
Taking its turns
With the breeze.
But when darkness arrives
We run away.
So what is the truth?
Is it that what we are running away from?
Or that which is still here?
Or there, there is no truth?
May be it’s somewhere else.

So we try and fall asleep
Aversively pushing all of these,
possibilities away.
But we are scared of the darkness that arrives.
It arrives with the thoughts and emotions
And cries and disappointments.
So we are scared to sleep.
Darkness doesn’t have a specific feature.
Darkness can’t be touched.
Darkness has a definite voice.
And that scares us.
Darkness talks a lot.
Darkness can touch you.
Darkness know you and what you feel.
So you push it away.
Because Darkness knows the gospel truth.
It can take you to it.
It can let it come to you and find you.
And that is exactly what you don’t want to know.
Gospel truth is exactly what you don’t want to know
That is exactly what you don’t want to possess.
But that is the Gospel truth

GROWING UP

​Look around.

The realisation, you’ve grown up.
Starting to do things completely on your own.
Inception of the independent decision making process.
When you strive through all the tests that god brings in your way.
When you weave through all of them.
When you pass.
When you survive through all the unwell days.
Completely on your own.
The habituation of mom feeding you medicines in the spoon, fade. Becomes old!
The days when mom warns you about the people you shouldn’t trust. Becomes old.
You grow up!
You manage!
You chose!
You fall!
You overcome!
Growing up is a feeling.
There’s a thin line of difference between growing up and being mature.
Also between being independent and having freedom.
The difference is hard to understand.
The difference is barely visible.
The wise is the one who catches hold of it.
So the side you want to be on,
Is whats left with you to chose!

“THE TWO HEARTS”

All thats in between!
I am that
 I am adamant
I am emotional                                                                
I am the 11:59 before the perfect 12:00
I am the b before the a.  
All thats in between!

Seeking for all the virtues!
I am the eldest daughter,
With the feeling of always being less.
I am doing major in psychology,
With symptoms of insomnia.
I am someone’s bestie,
Yet incomplete and lacking love.
I get appreciated,
Yet find nothing to love myself.
I want to be perfect,
Yet love My imperfections.
Seeking for all the virtues!

Chasing dreams!
I am the one who love parties,
Yet all the more ambitious when gets back home.
I am up till midnight with plans,
About the yet to come
Still, get lazy at times.
I want to work hard
And not waste time.
Yet be there for my friends,
When they need me.
I keep looking for things to do,
For a better future.
Yet, not wanna miss out on the
moments of life.
Chasing dreams!

I think,
I have got two hearts!
One is optimistic,
The other is pessimistic.
One tells me to not to lose hope
Other is the one who says no trail is left anymore.
One wants to jump off the cliff and do that adventurous sport
The other won’t even peek down the edge.

I think,
I have got two hearts!
One tells me to not waste a single hour
And work all day and achieve the aims
Other one is too lazy and wants to sleep all day
One wants to love vehemently
And be loved by someone
Other won’t even open itself
Because it thinks love will destroy carrier
Or its just scared of being betrayed.
One wants to dance on all sorts of music when alone and be a maniac
The other prefers spending time with family
And acting sane.
One wants to fly high
And the other is too scared.
One wants to fall for the flattery
Other wants to wait for the best.

I so believe.
That I have two hearts
That always leaves me perplexed
And in dilemma.
I so believe that I have two hearts.
But I know nobody will believe!

DENIAL

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We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe.
And it works!
We lie to ourselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth.
We deny so much that we can’t recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

Sometimes, reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.
And when the dam bursts all you can do is swim.
The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon.
We can only lie to ourselves for so long.
We are tired.
We are scared.
Denying, it doesn’t change the truth.
Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial
And face the world head-on, guns blazing.
Denial, it’s not just a river in the country, it’s a freaking ocean!

So how do you keep from drowning in it?
Well thats where the real journey begins!